The American Dream

"Mom, what do you want to be when you grow up?"  This is what Annabella came home from school asking me the other day.

"Well, Annabella...believe it or not I am already all grown up and I am doing my most favorite thing...taking care of you and your brothers."   She then replied with a sigh, "I know, I know...but what do you really want to be? You could do anything!  You should go to college!!  Grandma could watch me and the brothers and you could go learn something!"

 I then started to laugh.  I couldn't help it.  I thought she was attending Kindergarten but apparently college prep and goal planning starts early these days.  :)

But she wouldn't let it go.  She then started again, "Well I am gonna go to college!  I want to be a scientist...AND a teacher!"  "What about the dream you told me about a few months ago about having a big orphanage and lots of children?  Do you not want to do that anymore?" I asked.  She shrugged her shoulders and thought a moment.. "Hmm..I know!  YOU could watch my kids!!"   Hahaha

I knew then that we needed to have a little talk.  :)

Everywhere our children are bombarded with the American dream...we can be anything we set our minds to!  We can do anything!  We just have to press onward..work harder...dream bigger.   Now I am all about challenging my children and letting their little minds imagine being the first astronaut to live on Mars (my boys current obsession).  But I think it has gone far beyond that and I don't think I agree with any of it.

I started out by telling Annabella that a lot of times God gives us dreams and desires and tucks them away in our hearts and that is because He has a calling for our lives and they will be used to glorify Him and help others see Him.  BUT our question should NEVER be, "what do I want to be?" or what do I want for my life?" But always asking what the Lord has for me.  I then told her sometimes it may not seem like it's the most fun thing to do or not really what we want right then but we can ALWAYS trust Jesus that He knows what's best for our lives. That this life is soooo very short and one day in heaven God promises us a GREAT reward (she wanted to talk about that for awhile  :)  ) but in this life sometimes things might be kinda hard and we might not always get what we want or what we feel like we should get...but that is not what this life is about and there is JOY in that!!!  God is still soo amazing and gracious and lets us have such wonderful blessings in this life BUT this is not our real home.  We are HIS..we are created by Him and for HIM. Even still... He loves us SO much and really does know what is the very best thing for your life and whatever that is..a scientist or a trash collector...if you are trusting the Lord and saying YES to Him then one day it will all be worth it!!!!

At first I didn't know if maybe it was too heavy for her.  But she seemed to get it.  I don't ever want to crush her dreams or to discount all the amazing things that the Lord has instilled in her; but, as her mother and as the person that God has chosen to raise her I cannot sit back and minimize who God is.  Yes, sometimes (okay, maybe more than sometimes) I wish that I could just do what I want when I want and make my own plans. But there is never life in that and that is never what the Lord designed.  "In the presence of the Lord there is fullness of JOY."  I want ALL that the Lord has for my children and I know that they will start having to make their own decisions...but with LOTS of prayer and- by God's grace- some sort of wisdom to offer them... I have faith that they will be and already are becoming little lovers of Jesus who say yes to Him!  :)

Annabella's ballet recital 2012

 Annnabella Joy...she was made to dance.  She loves to flutter and float and she does it everywhere she goes.  She has been in ballet since she was 3 but this was the first year that she actually finished out the year at a dance school and was able to attend the recital.  Both years previously we unexpectedly decided to move in the middle of the year.  She comes home saying she loves it but watching her I sometimes feel like she isn't enjoying the rigidness of ballet.  Her teacher even commented that she is a wonderful dancer but is very "free" with her dance and might really enjoy lyrical and jazz.  I mentioned to her trying other forms of dance and she replied, "Yes!  Let's do all of it!!!  Ballet, jazz, tap...I want to do it all!" :)  She was created to be a dancer and watching it unfold is such a delight!!!



Annabella and her best friend Leah  :)

 Annabella is just to the right (if your looking at the stage) of the bigger girl helping lead.

It's a..GIRL!

From the beginning I had a really strong feeling that we were going to have a girl (more on that another day).  But even still I had my doubts and I wanted to prepare myself for a boy.  Yes, boys are absolutely wonderful, but THREE boys... well lets just say one would definitely have to prepare oneself for that!  :)  I guess everyone else could look at our family and see there is a little too much testosterone because every time we would talk about what he/she was they would say, "Oh I hope it's a girl!!!" I then felt I had to shield the ears of my tummy and whisper sweet affirmation just in case a little boy did in fact reside there. haha :)  Annabella made her opinion very clear a few months ago when she said, "mama, if it's a boy can't we just give him up for adoption and try for another girl."  But after much discussing and explaining that the Lord knows exactly what our family needs..(although she would then butt in and say, "if God knows what we need then He would KNOW that we DO NOT need another brother!!!" haha)..but eventually she sorta came around and decided even if it was a boy she would love him too.

But as the title infers..it didn't come to that. :)  We had our ultrasound a couple of days ago and I was so nervous and giddy at the same time.  For some reason this pregnancy has felt so new and different. I guess maybe cause I had the other three so close together so sometimes it all felt like one big blur.  Don't get me wrong, I am so happy we had them close together.  Maybe not what I would have chosen initially but I am SO happy because the Lord knew even when I didn't that it would be perfect for our family!  BUT it was still very crazy at times and it was sometimes hard to enjoy the little things of babyhood and pregnancy so I feel like I am definitely able to enter in more this time around.

I looked at a baby the other day and thought, "AH! I am going to have one of those again!"  I think every pregnant mom goes through that...the day they realize that there not just sick for nothing but actually going to have a little person at the end of it! :)  I can't tell you how excited I am about bows and tutus again! Annabella of course is right there with me and insists on going shopping ASAP to search for the "cutest baby girl clothes we can find!" :)

I love this little girl SO much already!  And even though Charlie and I are still deciding on a name she is already SO real and precious in my heart! Some moms say they don't know how they could love their second as much as their first and it is always so amazing when they realize that they can infact love them BOTH equally!  I am just amazed with how the Lord has instilled in us mamas a heart that just expands with each child no matter how many you have.  It is just such a picture of how the Lord SO loves us as His children and we aren't just one in the midst of the masses.  We are HIS child!! :)

Mothers day

Okay so be fore warned that this is being written on my iPhone at 6 am by a pregnant mama that hasn't slept all night. Okay.. With that said. :)

Mothers day... I have mixed feelings about this wonderful day. I see some people that haven't had any children yet and there heart so desires to have children and this day of such longing. Oh how they wish they too could enter in on this day. And my hearts goes out to them because I know to some degree how that feels. It wasn't but only 8 years ago when I lost my first precious baby at the ripe old age of 16. Every one thought maybe I should be happy about it. Now I could go on with my life, right? Yet there was now an ache...a void that every mother feels after the loss of a lil baby. I then looked at every mother with a small but real sense of envy. I so desired to hold my precious little baby like they were holding theirs. So I am well aware others are experiencing that very same thing today and for that my heart breaks for them.

Then there's the mom thats on the other side. Oh us young moms have all known them. They smile at us in the grocery store when our kids are being "cute" aka trying to climb out of the cart and open up all the food. They see us stressed and reply"oh how I wish my kids were that age again! It goes by so fast." you smile back and you feel half encouraged and half annoyed thinking,"trust me, if you had my kids you would NOT want to go back in time." haha They are the ones that love to hold our precious newborns but when they start to scream they hand them back graciously but yet with a smirk on their face as if to say, "oh i remember this season of life... But how great is it to be able to give them back at the end of the day.". Now i am not trying to put these people in a negative light. They have done their time and have finished well and now are on the other side and being able to enjoy the finished product. Today for them is a day of remembrance. A day to look back on all the memories that they've had and to thank the Lord that they were able to get through it. :)

Then there's me. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep last night which was interrupted but a screaming 3 year old and a kicking baby in my tummy. I then kicked off the morning at 530 am having to disciple 2 out of three children for throwing a tantrum. Even as I'm writing I am having to stop to break up a fight and to remind my son that hands are not for hitting and voices are not for screaming at people. :) Yes, at this very moment motherhood is a very real reality...with all it's glory and lack thereof. :). At this stage in life there is definitely moments with my kids where there is un controllable laughter... Where I look at them and I have to resist myself from squeezing thier little faces because they are so ridiculously cute. But then there are many mornings like today where I have to call on the Lord for supernatural grace to make it through the morning.

So happy mothers day to you whether you are a mother at heart or whether your kids are grown and gone. But a very special mothers day to you mommies who may feel like me today. With Gods grace... This too shall pass. :)

Spring Break 2012

When Spring break was coming up I thought it could be fun to go somewhere but since Charlie had to work I knew it was a long shot.  Then my mom got on board and we stayed up late one night looking for places and by the end of the night we ended up booking a hotel! :)  I always feel like I put up way too many pictures...but just in my defense,believe it or not, there is always TONS that I leave out! haha

At the hotel pool.  It was actaully pretty dang cold so we hung out mostly in the indoor pools.  They had a lazy river and a big splash pad area so the kids were loving it!!

Chillin in the lazy river.  Ezekiel is apparently terrified of the water.  It seemed like he was fine with it last year but all of the sudden this year he is petrified!  He has to be literally wrapped around you like a little monkey and still he is constantly saying, "mama...don't drop me, don't drop me!"

Annabella on the other hand was rocking it in there

Annabella reading the boys a good night story (it was actually a coupon book for Myrtle beach hehe) but it was hands down one of the cutest things ever!

Ezekiel was enjoying digging up the sand and then throwing it over his shoulder..and he did it along the pretty much the whole beach  :)

My Annabella all buried up and still looking precious!

Grandma and Annabella making an epic sandcastle!

Like I said...amazing!  :)

The kids had tons of fun and it definitely wasn't a restful trip but I guess how restful can it be with your sharing a small hotel room with three kiddos.. one which gets up before dawn! **boo** :)   Unfortunately though we had to leave a day early because both my mom and Annabella got very sick. It turned out that Annabella had double ear infections and possible strep throat!  Poor bella bear!  But they all three still talk about it like it was the best and coolest trip ever so thats good I guess! :)