Still alive...barely. :)

I haven't written in a couple months...not because nothing is going on in our lives...but more because I am not mentally or physically able to sit at a computer for long enough without throwing up.  exaggerating?  I wish I was. 

Oh the joys of pregnancy!  :)

I think motherhood is hands down the most sacrificial thing a person can ever do...and for me that starts at around 6 weeks when that precious little life is no bigger than a poppeseed!  I think I must have blocked out what my last 3 pregnancies were like cause I was like a naive school child coming into the SAT's expecting warm milk and cookies. :)  I just kept thinking, "surely, it wont be as bad as the last 3 times.." as if three times isn't enough to set some sort of pattern here! haha 

 All of that to say, the last two months have been rough.  Ya know, the kind of rough when you are just praying that your kids don't find the matches drawer cause you know you won't have the energy to stop them....the kind of rough when the UPS guy knocks on your door and you pretend like you didn't hear it cause the effort of walking to the front door in your pj's you've been wearing for multiple days sounds like just too much....the kind of rough when people come over to help and say, "wow...your right...this is bad" and that's after you already had cleaned up.  :)    

I am coming up on 12 weeks and am praying that one of  these days I will wake up and feel a little better...but even if I don't... I can just look at that precious little ultrasound picture and remember when I heard it's sweet little heart beat and KNOW it is ALL worth it!  I am amazed everyday at the heart God gives mothers...and ultimately His heart for us.  It doesn't matter how much my kids put me through...how many times they rebel against me and how often they continue to do what I tell them not to do....it doesn't matter how sick I get during pregnancy and how horrible the labor is........yes it's hard...it's really hard....yes, I get frustrated...really frustrated....but NOTHING could change or take away from how much I love those kids....nothing!!  And I am just a measly ol' human, how much more if we really understood God's love for us would we be in AWE of His feelings towards us!!

Life is ALWAYS a beautiful thing and Lord willing I am eager and excited about meeting our 4th little bit this October but praying that the Lord would have mercy on the kids so that they can have their mama back soon!  :)